Videos and resources about the adoption of our son Nate from Ethiopia
Picking Up Nate: The Movie*
*Click photo above for link to video
Gladney in Ethiopia
Our agency (Which we highly recommend!)
The Countdown
December 17: Phone orientation with Gladney
December 18: Requested and received via email Gladney application
December 18: Mailed CIS forms
December 22: First notarized signature and submission of Gladney application part 1
December 28: Riley, our dog, went to the vet to get his vaccinations up to date-Yes it is part of the paperwork
January 5: Submission of Gladney application part 2
January 5: Began foreign dossier paperwork
January 11: Completed our health physicals and lab testsJanuary 16: Submission of Gladney application part 3 - finished with Gladney application!
January 22: Fingerprinted for FBI
February 13: Home study
March 4: Gladney approved!
March 27: Fingerprinted by CIS
May 1: CIS approval received-last piece of paperwork!!
May 14: Dossier complete & on the wait list
Sept 19: It's a Boy!!!
Oct 31: Got a court date
Dec 17: Court date-Approved!
Jan 12: Picked up our son in Ethiopia!!
Adoption Misconceptions
This is the first in a series of several posts discussing some of the misconceptions that we have heard about adoption. In an effort to shed some light on these misconceptions, we have expressed our own opinions which we believe are grounded in the Word of God and in our relationship with Jesus Christ. Our hope is for dialogue like this to bring many couples towards adoption as they seek to find God's will for growing their families.
Misconception #1: Adoption is a result of the fall and is not God's original plan for family-building
"He chose us in him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and blameless before him. In love he predestined us for adoption as sons through Jesus Christ, according to the purpose of his will, to the praise of his glorious grace, with which he has blessed us in the Beloved." (Ephesians 1:4-6)
We would argue that adoption was in God's original plan. The Bible declares God as sovereign. The fall did not catch God off His guard. God knew that the garden of Eden would not last forever. His plan from the beginning of time was to have His son, Jesus Christ, come into this world and die to cover the sins of man. God planned to have adopted sons and daughters in His kingdom from the start. Just as the fall did not thwart the plans of God to be with His children, the fall did not thwart His plans for building families. Yes, orphans are a result of the fall. In a perfect world, there would be no orphans. However, just as God foreknew the result of the fall, He planned a way to bring redemption and restoration to orphaned children through adoption into His kingdom family and into loving families on earth.
In his sermon titled "Adoption: The Heart of the Gospel," John Piper expresses a similar view:
"Adoption was (for God) and is (for us) seriously planned. Adoption in God’s mind was not Plan B. He predestined us for adoption before the creation of the world. Plan A was not lots of children who never sin and never need to be redeemed. Plan A was creation, fall, redemption, adoption so that the full range of God’s glory and mercy and grace could be known by his adopted children. Adoption was not second best. It was planned from the beginning.
In our lives, there is something uniquely precious about having children by birth. That is a good plan. There is also something different, but also uniquely precious, about adopting children. Each has its own uniqueness. Your choice to adopt children may be sequentially second. But does not have to be secondary. It can be as precious and significant as having children by birth. God is able to make adoption an A+ plan in our lives."
Misconception #2: What if I decide to adopt and end up with a troubled child who will destroy our family? You've heard the horror stories.
Though we may hear negative stories like this, we suspect that they are few and far between. We acknowledge that challenges occur with parenting adoptive children, but no more so than with parenting biological children. It is just that the challenges may look different. We all have to rely on the grace of God for raising our kids.
Just as God decrees your biological children, He also decrees your adopted children. A perfect Biblical example of this is in the story of Moses, the first adopted child. A biological mother is forced to give up her child in order to save his life. The Pharoah's daughter sees the child, has mercy on him, and takes him as her son. Moses' adoptive mom provides for him and raises him with all that he needs. Then Moses is called to confront Pharoah to allow God's people to leave Egypt, and Moses is used in a mighty way. Thus, Moses' adoption was God's plan for the deliverance of His people. God decreed that Moses be raised in the home of the Pharoah for this very purpose.
In the same way, we are confident that God decreed Nate to be our son. Sure, the adoption match is a complicated process and is not delivered from on high written on a stone tablet. Yes, there are a lot of variables to the equation, but we believe that God is sovereign over all of them. Nate fits into our family perfectly, his personality and character meshing with ours. We see so many aspects of ourselves in him: he loves to laugh, be social, and show affection. Like Jeremy, he has an inquisitive mind. Like Christina, he is strong-willed and creative. Like both of us, he loves to be silly and playful. We cannot imagine a child that would be a better fit for our family than Nate, and we look forward to seeing the great plans that God has in store for our son.
Misconception #3: Adoption is only for infertile couples.
Today, there are an estimated 50 million adoptable orphans in our world. In the US, there are about 6 million couples struggling with infertility. Each couple would need to adopt 8 orphans in order to provide a family for all of these children. Infertile couples will not be able to cover the orphan crises alone. Fertile Myrtle, we need your help!
We recently found this alarming graph. It shows the number of international adoptions to the US decreasing rapidly. This is most likely due to the success with fertility treatments in recent years. We cannot stand by and hope all of the orphans find homes with infertile parents. This will never happen. Even if you have a cookie cutter family with 2 to 3 bio kids, please pray and consider adding one more. One more for you and one less orphan in the world.
(In any given year, fewer than 50,000 orphans will be adopted. (Gladney Newsletter) That is only .1% of the orphans available to be adopted. The orphan crises is heartbreaking and we must do more to share the love of Christ with these children. Will you help?)
Misconception #4: I'm worried that I will love my biological child(ren) more than my adopted child(ren).
We love because He first loved us. 1 John 4:19
God created us and He created love. He created us to love and be loved. As Christians, He enables us to love unconditionally. How? Because He first loved us. We know His love because He gave His son's life to have a relationship with us. We did not merit His love, but He freely gives it to us. He enters into a covenant and chooses to love us.
In the same way, we enter into a covenant and choose to love our spouse and our children. It is not based on how deserving they are or how lovable. It is a covenant love rooted in the One who loved us in this way. It matters not whether your child is adopted or biological. You still have to choose everyday to uphold the covenant. We know of a foster mom whose adopted child said to her, "I will never love you." The mom replied, "That may be true, but I will always choose to love you."
God places an incredible love for your children in your heart. The kind of love in which you would lay down your life. It is not a love contrived by man, because it is unearned and selfless, wrought by God in your life as you uphold the covenant.
Although we only have an adopted child, we cannot imagine loving Nate anymore than we do. (REVISED-Since this posting, we did have a biological child. Now I speak from experience when I say that our love for our adopted child is the SAME as our love for our biological child. There is no difference.) Nate did not do anything to earn our love. He did not woo us or pursue us. He does not exhibit perfect behavior or win our love by his deeds. No, he just showed up and we were head over heels in love. (We do recognize that an adopted child needs to bond to their adoptive parents and vice versa. The bonding and attachment phase can vary in length of time for different families. For us, we instantly felt affectionate love for Nate and our bonding and attachment was completed after 8 weeks.)
We do not label Nate as our "adopted son". He is simply our son, an unconditionally loved and cherished child. Yes, we choose to love him. But as we do, God produces in us an unfathomable love in our hearts for our child. It cannot be explained, only experienced. It is one of God's mysteries.
Misconception #5: We would love to adopt but it is too expensive.
If God is tugging at your heart to adopt, money should not prevent you from living out His will for your life. First of all, God ALWAYS provides. Secondly, adoption IS financially attainable. There are many resources available to provide financial aid for those seeking to adopt. Here are a few creative ways to gather funds for your adoption:
1. Adoption Tax Credit - many are unaware of this credit. For 2010, it is $12,170 per child to help reimburse your adoption expenses. This amount should cover about half of your expenses in an international or domestic adoption. Read more about it here.
2. The ABBA fund - this is an organization that provides matching grants and/or interest free loans. There are a dozen organizations just like this one.
3. Creative fundraising - many adoptive couples sell tshirts, jewelry, coffee, etc. to raise funds for their adoption. We recently saw a raffle on one couple's blog for an iPod Touch. Visit here to see how our friends are selling coffee to raise funds for their Rwandan adoption.
4. Raising Support - many Christians who are not able to adopt would love to support you in your adoption. As a Christian, we are commanded to help the fatherless. This is a great way for believers to share in the blessing of your adoption journey.
Finally, foster to adopt is an inexpensive way to bring a child into your family. It is free except for court fees of no more than $2,ooo. The government will even pay for your adopted child's college tuition!
In closing, we wanted to encourage you that adoption is within your reach. It is not a blessing to be enjoyed only by the wealthy. It is a blessing for you to step out of your (financially) comfortable life (relative to the rest of the world) and take in an unwanted baby, child, or teen. We have felt honored and truly blessed to be given the gift of being Nate's parents. We hope to have more adopted children in our home as God leads and provides.
To see more adoption related posts from this blog, click here.
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