Posts about our struggle with infertility, God's amazing grace, pregnancy, and the birth of our daughter Taylor
The Bump
We never imagined that we would be one of those couples who struggled with infertility. We had several close friends that went through this struggle, so just by the sheer odds (1 out of 10 couples in the US have difficulty getting pregnant) we weren't expecting it as we started trying to have a baby.
After a year and a half of negative pregnancy tests, we decided to visit a fertility doctor. This is when we were labeled with "unexplained infertility". As more of our friends got pregnant and had babies, we begin to feel like we wore shirts that had a big "I" for infertile or "Fertile" in a circle with a line going through it. It is a very helpless and hopeless feeling.
We knew that we wanted to adopt. Our plan was to adopt two kids and have two biological kids. So, we decided to go ahead and pursue adoption. However, we also did not want to give up hope for our plan of bio kids, so we pursued fertility treatments at the same time. Many people have asked us if it was hard to be on both of these roads simultaneously. Yes, it was sometimes, but we felt like we were leaving all of the options in the Lord's hands and He would direct the outcome to fit within His sovereign plan. His plan was great indeed. We had a difficult year of unsuccessful fertility treatments. But at the end of that year, we became parents of the most precious Ethiopian baby, our son Nate. I would not trade him for another child, even a bio child, because he is a perfect fit for our family and for our first.
When Nate came home, we took a break from fertility appointments and focused our time on getting to know him and learning how to become parents. After about six months, we found ourselves at another crossroads. Would we pursue our final fertility option or begin another adoption? We took some time to pray about this decision and felt God leading us to finish the road of fertility treatments.
At this point, we had exhausted all options and in-vitro fertilization was the only thing left; however, we had some reservations about it. Is it ethical to create embryos? What if we ended up with too many frozen embryos? Why spend money on this treatment when you could use it toward another adoption? Why create more lives when there are millions of orphaned children in need of families around the world?
In the end, we reasoned that infertility is a medical problem and IVF is a medical treatment. We wanted to ask God to heal us one last time, and He graciously did! It was a long, hard road, but God walked with us the entire way. We learned a lot about the compassion of Jesus and how He weeps when we weep (even as He works all things for our good - Rom. 8:28). We learned that all children (biological and adopted) are a gift and a miracle from the Lord. We are anxious to meet this little child that God created and planned to be in our family since the beginning of time!
Answers to some of these hard questions:
Is it ethical to create embryos?
As humans, even specialized fertility doctors, we cannot create a life. God is the only Creator. The doctors can do their best to get the egg and sperm in the right place, but God has to create the miracle of life. IVF isn't rocket science - it is simply placing our God-given reproductive cells in the right place. Failed IVF attempts prove that God is the One who creates and sustains embryos.
What if we ended up with too many frozen embryos?
We took precautions during our IVF cycle by limiting the number of eggs exposed to sperm. We still have a desire to adopt more children, so we did not want to put ourselves in a position of having too many biological kids. We also agreed to use every frozen embryo and give each one a chance at life. In our situation, we did not end up with any frozen embryos.
Why spend money on this treatment when you could use it toward another adoption?
IVF is not a sure thing. It is a gamble to spend your money on a treatment that might not work, but how can you put a price on a child? It does not matter if the child comes biologically or through adoption, all children are priceless. (We did receive a generous discount since Jeremy is in the medical field which helped our finances tremendously.)
Why create more lives when there are millions of orphaned children in need of families around the world?
This is the hardest question to answer and one we struggled with. For us, we plan to adopt more children in the future and this pregnancy does not change those plans. We are very aware of the orphan crises and have a huge passion to see Christians adopt orphans around the world and place them in their families.
For further reading, here is a position paper that we found helpful when thinking through all of this.
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